Monster
by Julie Horwitz
Summary: An Elsa introspective. The thoughts that go through her mind during her final encounter with Hans.


**Disclaimer: **

The following is a work of fanfiction. All characters and situations belonging to the animated feature film "Frozen" are copyrighted to Disney Enterprises, Inc. This story includes dialogue and actions taken from the screenplay written by Jennifer Lee. Everything else is of my own creation.

**Author's Notes: **

The idea for this story came to me the first time I saw "Frozen." The character of Elsa fascinated me and I wanted to explore her thoughts during what I consider to be one of the most pivotal moments in the film. What makes her so compelling to me is that she literally has no self-esteem and allows herself to be defined by those around her. Elsa has all this power, but she cannot control it because she doesn't believe in herself. It is only after the events described here that she discovers her true self and it is all because of Anna's unconditional love for her sister.  
All questions and comments may be sent to me at my e-mail address. Please see my author profile for details.  
Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy the story.

_**Monster **_  
by  
Julie Horwitz

"Your sister is dead," Hans informed me and I couldn't tell if his voice was accusing or sympathetic, "because of _you._"

"No," I murmured in shocked disbelief, stumbling away from him as I felt my world come crashing down around me.

Anna dead? No! It couldn't be true! It just _couldn't_! He had to be lying. Anna had told me herself that she was fine. I had heard her gasp after I had briefly lost control but then she'd-

But why would he lie? What would be the point? Why tell me something so horrific if it wasn't true?

Oh, gods above! I had killed my sister!

Anna was _dead_!

I had single-handedly destroyed the only family I had left!

I _am_ a monster!

I was suddenly too sick and overwhelmed to stay on my feet and I sank down to the icy ground. I could feel the air around me growing impossibly colder, but for the first time in my life, I didn't care. So what if my emotions caused everything around me to freeze? I'd never been able to stop it before no matter how hard I tried, so why should I bother now? The only thing that mattered was that Anna was dead!

Maybe if the gods were merciful, I soon would be too. Perhaps I'd cause the air to get too cold for even me to withstand. I was a murderer. I didn't deserve to live.

Why, oh why, had I been cursed with these powers? Why hadn't I been given a chance at a normal life? Father and Mother had been right to lock me away from the world. No matter what I did, I ended up hurting someone. Poor Anna! My baby sister! If only I'd given her my blessing like she'd asked! All I had been trying to do was protect her. All I'd ever wanted to do was keep her safe.

Now she was gone.

Because of _me._

It would be best for everyone if I just died.

Ironically, Anna would have disagreed with that sentiment. Poor naï ve, optimistic Anna! She had only seen the good in everyone and everything. She never got angry for any reason.

Except for once.

At _me._

Because I had been trying to protect her.

And that one act had led to her death.

A death caused by my hand alone.

I could feel the temperature drop around me even more and for the first time that I could ever remember, I shivered.

Good.

Perhaps it wouldn't be long before I put myself out of my misery. And then the people of Arendelle would no longer have to live in fear of their queen.

Maybe my death would put an end to the "eternal winter" that I had somehow caused.

It was then that I heard a metallic sound from behind me.

Hans. In my despair, I had momentarily forgotten that I was not alone. In my brief interactions with him, he'd seemed kind, which would explain Anna's instant infatuation with him (but my innocent sister had not understood that kindness was not enough to base a marriage on), but he'd also refused to let me go back to the sanctuary I had built for myself. Like Anna before him, he thought I had some kind of control over my powers. Perhaps now he understood that I didn't. He had seen for himself what telling me of Anna's death had caused. If the sound I had heard was what I thought it was, maybe he had come to the same conclusion that I had.

That my death was the only way to put an end to my magic.

I braced myself for the end, not expecting it to be quick or painless.

I didn't deserve for it to be either. Murderers should suffer for their actions.

And that was exactly what I was. I had murdered my sister. Hans had every right to avenge the death of the woman he loved.

The woman we had _both_ loved.

_Forgive me, Anna,_ I silently begged her. _My poor sister. I never meant to hurt you. I love you._

In that moment, I thought I heard her voice.

I waited to feel the blow that would end my dangerous existence, but for some reason, it didn't come.

Instead, I heard a strange clink and then I felt a blast of magic.

_What...?_

Afraid of what I'd see, I looked up from the spot on the ice that my gaze had been focused on ever since I'd been told what I'd done to Anna.

And found that reality was more shocking than anything I could have ever imagined.


End file.
